Open Letter :: Part One

To my wonderfully sweet Husband:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

I chose to start this letter with the above verse from the bible (who knew that a once agnostic girl would be using a bible verse--my, how you have changed me for the good!).   I have expressed to you before how much I like this verse. I think when followed it makes a strong foundation for a great marriage and every couple should start their marriage vows with it.

 

I remember clearly back in early 2000 when we met (again).  I was living at home with my parents dealing with a very heavy, broken heart.  I wasn't capable of doing anything more then just existing.  I was given your number and asked to call.  I was really nervous because I didn't know what to say or what would come from the call but I just figured "why not". 

 

You may feel lost and alone but God knows exactly where you are and he has a good plan for your life.

Who knew from that call I would gain my best friend, a lover, my husband and the father to our kids.

Who knew from that "why not" I would go from existing to living.  The clouds parted and the sun returned to my skies.  I finally had a reason for my life.

 

We are both very passionate people.  We love hard and fight even harder.  The same things I want to strangle you for are the same things I love about you.      

 

 

I don't want a partner who wants to change who I am.  However, I do want a partner who supports me as I evolve into my best possible self. -Karen Salmansohn

 

 In 2007 our marriage hit a fault line and it became fractured.  I wanted out.  There wasn't a simple answer then.  I was just unhappy and I wanted out.  My heart became cold and yours broken.  I didn't know then that my infertility struggles were affecting me the way they were.  None the less damage was done.

 

Girl when I look at you
You look through me
Like I'm not even there
I try not to give up, to be strong but
I'm afraid to say I'm scared
I can't find the place
Your heart is hiding
I'm no quitter but I'm tired of fighting

Baby I love you
Don't want to lose you
Don't make me let you go
Took such a long time
For me to find you
Don't make me let you go
Baby I'm begging please
And I'm down here on my knees
I don't want to have to set you free
Don't make me

-Song by Blake Shelton

You fought so hard during those months.  You were not going to let the vows that we took on March 8th, 2003 in front of all of our family and friends just crumble to the ground.  You turned to the bible and fought your own demons to better yourself and unfortunately I just fought harder to wrangle myself from you. 

Your pure strength in love and determination finally succeeded.  I waved my white flag and let my guard down and put you back into my heart where you belonged the whole time.
 

Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.

 

To this day my heart still breaks when I think of the pain, worry and stress I put you through but on the flip side I feel like our marriage is unbreakable now. I am so unbelievable thankful and appreciative that you fought as hard as you did to keep us. That you saw through my weaknesses and didn't give up on me. Thank you for mending me when I had given up on myself. Thank you for believing there was something worth left in me that made you decide to stay. I will forever be thankful. I will forever adore you. I will forever cherish you.

Sometimes the one you dismiss so easily is the one who will stay to weather the storm with you. -from the book IN THE GARDEN OF THOUGHTS by Dodinsky.

 

 

My love for you will be patient.  My love for you will be kind.  My love for you will always protect. Always trust.  Always hopes.  And Always preserveres.  YOU are the love of my life! 

 

 

"He's not perfect.  You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he makes you laugh at least once, cause you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can.  He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.  Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect for more than he can give.  Don't analyze.  Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there.  Love hard when there is love to be had.  Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you." -Bob Marley