counting

I have been in a mental funk on and off for the past few weeks.  From time to time I have even been feeling a little bit like crazy town USA all up in my head.  I recently started a journal and last night I started on a "woe is me" entry.  After a few moments of thought (and clarity) I changed direction and started to count my blessings.  Isn't, after all, the blessings that carry us through and not all of the other negative emotions, thoughts and feelings?  Today, I wanted to share my blessings. 

I know that, try as I might, my feelings of sadness are not going to go away overnight but I hope that if I keep seeing, counting and tallying my blessings eventually my vision will be so blurred by the good that the bad can no longer filter in. 

Here are some of the good:

The Daddy-O: 

(Yellowstone, September 2012)

 



Last night he was in the #3 spot but I realize that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have my #1 and #2-- Bug and Squish.  I really could (and should) go on and on about this guy.  I know he isn't perfect and I am not perfect and our marriage ain't perfect but he has PUT UP with me for 13+ years and I am very thankful for that.  He is an amazing provider and works endlessly to support us and to allow me to stay home full time with the boys.  He buys us toys and dreams big....our trip to Idaho, the RV, the soon-to-be boat and our 3rd child.  Shall I go on???

 

Buggy Boy Lewis

(Grangeville, Idaho, September 2012)

 

This is in birth order and not favorite order :-). 

My #1 boy.  I fought and prayed so hard to have him and here he is at four years old.  He is full of more fire than ice and more piss than vinegar but I am thankful that he is full of so much life.  He is a thinker, builder, crafter and master fort builder.  He is my lover and my mama's boy. 

 

Squishtopher Lee

(Shoshone Falls, Idaho, September 2012)

 

My #3 blessing. 

Squish is a carbon copy of his daddy.  My greatest joy is in watching this little guy ADORE his daddy.  His talks of deer hunting and his love of food and an appetite that matches his daddy kinda melts my heart a little. Okay, really it's a WHOLE BUNCH!!  He is still trying figure himself out so in the meantime he is happy to follow in Buggy's footsteps.  He is the master cuddle muffin and king of the spoon position.  I will miss the days of him lying in bed with me and when he rolls over, picks up his butt and firmly drops it into place up against my tummy. 

 

Our Peanut due to arrive October 2013.

 

My #4 joy.  We will soon know if this joy is a she or a he.  All of us in this house can't wait for that day to come.  I think we are all rooting for a she.  I was very excited for this pregnancy because I truly feel like this might be my last and I wanted to really savor every moment of this part of my life.  I think it's a great honor and miracle to grow life inside one's body.  

 

I know these four blessings of mine are the first basics for anyone.  However the last few weeks situations outside of my house, family and control have caused me to take my time and energy away from these things that I love and cherish so, so much.   It's not fair to my husband and kids that I have been, in some situations, forced to have some of these feelings.  I want to thank the Daddy-O for being a walking handkerchief when needed and ear to talk to.  I want to thank my kids for knowing I am absolutely wacky, sometimes more than others, but they walk on.  They offer a hug when needed or a good wrestling when I need to have the love beaten into me.

 

They all deserve more then what I have been lately and I hope to get past this soon so I can be that "more" for them.  My family is my everything and they deserve everthing for me!