I feel bad. When I was pregnant with Bug after each and every appointment with the mid-wives I would send out an email to my family and friends giving them the most recent update. I took weekly pictures of my growing belly and I would do a weekly write-up all of which I have combined into a journal.
With my 2nd pregnancy I haven't done any of that. It's not that I don't want to it just all really boils down to what I like to call "mommy brain". I experienced the absent minded mind when I was pregnant with Bug and since he's been born it's only been magnified. Now that I am pregnant again AND I have a toddler I might as well not have a brain at all. It's really quite bad and I am not exaggerating.
I really want to take the weekly photos with the weekly write-ups and email you after each and every appointment with the midwives but I just plain ol' forget....all but a few times now.
I also try to remind myself that with this pregnancy I have a toddler that I am chasing after that I obviously didn't have with the first pregnancy and I have also taken on (gladly) a new passion and hobby-SEWING. So creating new little treasures takes some additional time. However, I still have some guilt. So I thought by doing a good long blog posting all about this little love growing in my belly will ease some of my guilt and get you all up-to-date on how everything has been going.
All of you know that we had some trouble getting pregnant with Bug. In fact after exhausting most, if not all, natural remedies for infertility we went to see Dr. Hutchison at Reproductive Health Center. It was the best decision we made because not only did we get to work with a great man but our son was conceived out of the process. My husband and I decided after Bug was born not to use any hormonal forms of birth control because we feel, and it's not the opinion or advice from anyone else, that taking such birth control contributed to some of my problems.
After about month three or four after Bug was born the idea of birth control went out the door to make way for the natural family planning. We really anticipated, expected and planned to go back to Dr. Hutchison for help in conceiving number 2. We wanted the kids to be two years apart but honestly when it came time to really try for #2 I sort of backed away from the idea. I was really enjoying my time with Bug and I didn't know (yet) how I could love two babies as much I loved my one.
We were at a pool party at my sister's house the last weekend in June and my husband and sister were having the conversation on when we would try for number two. My husband had expressed a little remorse that we missed the window of opportunity to keep the kids two years apart because I wasn't really ready and my body wasn't showing any signs of being ready either. I let you decide what that means :-)
The following Friday I took two naps that day. It wasn't uncommon for me to take a nap with Bug here and there but TWO naps in one day was unheard of. The next day, Saturday, I was outside painting when I suddenly became nauseous. Once it passed I developed this intense craving for Subway's chicken noodle soup something I craved when I was pregnant with Bug. And just like that the freight train hit me.
Two naps+nauseous+craving Subway's chicken noodle soup=HOLY CRAP I'M PREGNANT.
I wasn't really convinced because I didn't think it was possible yet. I jokingly made a comment to my husband about what I was thinking and he kind of had the same feelings. We joked on and off about it throughout the day and he even asked to buy me a pregnancy test. I told him that I didn't yet want to take one because after seeing a thousand negative pregnancy tests before with Bug it leaves you with a really bad sting. So although I wasn't sure I wanted to be pregnant yet I also didn't want to experience the same disappointment if I wasn't.
However, my thoughts quickly changed and come Sunday morning, July 4th, I asked my husband to pick me up a Starbucks coffee (in case it turned out to be my last for awhile) and a pregnancy test.
Let me tell you this--I have never seen a pregnancy test turn positive so quickly in my life! At first I cried. They were tears of happiness but mostly shock. I was lost for words. As much as I suspected I was pregnant I also felt that being pregnant naturally was too good to be true. And to be honest there was some worry in there. I was worried and sad that I couldn't give this child the same kind of love I do Bug. With Bug I felt like he healed the hole I had in my heart caused by the struggles to have him so if my heart was healed how much could I give this next one. I know I may sound a little cold but this was the honest to god worries I had. I did my best to keep these feelings to myself for fear of what others would think and only my husband really knew how I felt and he was quick to tell me I was crazy and that I would love both babies the same-no matter what.
July
My first prenatal appointment was in August. I expected it to be too early in the pregnancy to hear the baby's heartbeat but as it turns out it wasn't. On the first shot there it was that peaceful sound of the precious swooshing heartbeat. I cried. I cried tears of happiness. Tears of joy. Tears that meant relief. Hearing that heartbeat was what I needed to know that I would love this baby just as much as Bug. I would get the joy of saying "my kids." The joy of telling people I had a big boy at home who had a little sibling. I get the joy of having a 2nd pregnancy and a second child all over again. I loved being pregnant with Bug, laboring with Bug, delivering Bug and now raising Bug and I was now given the blessing to do it all over again with a new precious love.
August
My husband and I are pretty sure I became pregnant on Father's Day but because I didn't have a concrete time in which I conceived the mid-wives had me go in for an ultrasound to better age the baby. According to the measurements and statistics I was given the due date of February 25th. My husband and I are still convinced that this baby will come in March. I live by the theory that when my water breaks this baby will be born sometime in the next 24 hours (I hope).
I laugh thinking back to the conversation my sister and husband were having. How he was sad we missed the mark to have the kids two years apart. If the ultrasound was right then the babies will be two years and three weeks apart. Not bad timing for two people who weren't trying nor expecting to get pregnant on our own.
September
I had a second ultrasound not along after the first just to check on the progress of this growing blessing. I told myself because we were given a boy the first time and the pressure of having that boy was removed I wanted to wait to find out who this was in me. However, upon seeing all of the adorable girl clothes I could be making I caved the day of the ultrasound and asked to see.
At the ultrasound appointment
Taken courtesy of Bug
Can you see the excitement of my face?
The ultrasound confirmed that we would be having another BOY! As much as I was wanting a little girl to make all sorts of cute tutus for I was also equally thrilled to be having another boy. I have a boy already. I know them. I know what to do with them. I feel like I am a Mom to boys and it seems someone has agreed. Although baby #2 is not even here yet I and can't stop thinking about #3. I want Daddy to get his girl. I think I need a girl. Our home will need a girl to soften my two rugged, dirty, nose picking boys. I need a girl to help me keep these boys in line, Daddy included. We could all use a little softening from a sweet little girl we will call Savannah.
With my pregnancy with Bug I really don't have any complaints. It was a pretty easy pregnancy. With this one I was more nauseous in my first trimester then what I remember having with Bug. Fortunately, I never became sick with either pregnancy. With Bug I developed one varicose vein due to the extra weight pushing on my lower extremities. With this pregnancy the varicose vein I had with Bug returned almost immediately and then a large portion of my veins on my legs and right ankle started popping but none are called "varicose", thankfully. At this point there hasn't been a whole lot to worry about just as long as I don't sit for extended period of times because that could lead to blood cots. I caved and bought a compression sock last Friday. My right ankle started to give me a little more discomfort, which was manageable, but I didn't want the problem to become worse. Buying that compression sock was the BEST thing I did. I love the relief my leg gets.
My old lady ankle before the compression sock
With Bug I took a medication to control my insulin. I started taking it before I became pregnant because we had reason to believe that an elevated insulin level was to blame for my infertility. I decided to quit taking that medication after Bug was born to see what my body was able to do naturally. I also exercised and had a pretty strict diet all in order to get pregnant and keep the pregnancy. With this pregnancy I've done pretty much none of that. I tried to exercise in the beginning but it was getting to hard to get up every morning and leave the house without waking Bug.
November (I'm teasing my sister)
With this pregnancy, and with Bug, I haven't really craved much of anything. I really became a big fan of green olives this time around. Growing up I always hated them but a few years ago I decided they weren't that bad but I still never ate them the way I've been eating them now. Sugar. That is something I've been enjoying a little too much of. With being a work-at-home mom my diet consists of eating what I want when I want it and if we have it. If we don't have it then chocolate will substitute. Orange juice is also a must. I pretty much need a glass every morning to get me going and sometimes it feels like I can't get enough of it.
December (sorting beans)
At the start of this pregnancy I weighed 123lbs. As of last Friday at 34 weeks I weighed 144.2lbs. I gained a total of 20lbs with Bug and I expected to gain more weight with this one due to the lack of a proper diet and the exercise. Frankly, though since I became a mom I now feel like I a mom and that is what I need to worry about. Not wearing the latest trends in clothing, having freshly polished nails and seeing the hairdresser for a touch-up monthly. It actually took me to become a mom to feel more secure about who I am and how I look. Of course I still want to look pretty for my husband and I do but I no longer feel like I need all of the aesthetic material things to be pretty. I am pretty simple because I am mom and I made my husband a father.
With only 5.5 weeks to go and a whole lot of stuff I want to get done before this little boy arrives I certainly feel like the count down is on and he'll be here before we all know it. I am so looking forward to seeing my husband's face light up when he witnesses the birth of his son. Another boy to help carry on the last name. I am so looking forward to seeing my father's face and my father-in-law's face light up as they witness the birth of another generation. Another generation to carry on the things they'll teach him about being a boy. All of the wonderful things Bug has been able to enjoy. I am so looking forward to watching my son transform from an only child to a super proud big brother. A job I know he'll do great at because he's already been practicing with his dolls. I am so looking forward to being able to love and raise another sweet boy the way I've been raising Bug.
Currently at 34 weeks
I'm proud and honored that I have been blessed with two sons to help make this a better place to live in.
I am blessed to be given another sweet child to make me a better person.
Another sweet child to show me how to love deeper and more passionate then what I thought was possible.
Another sweet child to fill up another hole in my heart that I didn't know I had until I heard his heartbeat.
Another sweet child to fill this house with mischievous filled giggles.
Another sweet child to sit back and watch in pure amazement knowing that he is half of me.
My torpedo belly
I can't wait to share him with all of you!
Lots of Love~SL
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