A new chapter

Our oldest little man turned three last month

(Bug dressed for his cowboy themed 3rd birthday party)

and our youngest little man turned one this month.

(Squish's 1st birthday photo shoot)

With Bug, our oldest, it took me a long while to get to the point where I was excited about all the milestones.  Well, I was excited and I celebrated every one as any parent would but to me each new milestone also represented the fact that my baby was slipping away from me. I think every parent wishes they could keep their children as babies forever. 

(Birthday wishes for Bug)

You all know how long and hard the road was to conceive Bug and I felt like he was hitting each milestone at a very rapid pace.  I, at times, felt a bit cheated in having my baby for as long as possible.

(A special song from Great-Grandpa)

 

As the time has passed and with the birth of Squish each age is starting to feel like a new chapter in a book waiting to be read.  The first two years of Bug's life held so many exciting things and it seems with each age--or new chapter-- it is just getting better.

(Our tradition for the 1st birthday--Angel Food Cake with strawberries & whip cream)

At times I still have moments of sadness when I see just how old our kids are but for the most part I am happily awaiting to see how the current chapter is going to turn out. 

(That's the look of..."I'm too tired for cake--GET ME MOM!"

 Here are some additional photos for Squish's party...

If you ever need a photographer for your event I am sure my sister would me available.

Quiverfull

Ever heard of the word?  I didn't until last year and then I kind of forgot about it again until recently. 

I must admit that I feel pretty influenced by the Duggar Family.  I have never been a religious person and in fact I considered myself Agnostic for most of my life but since having my babies I've made a lot of changes in my life and I know I'll continue to make more as we travel this road.

Squish being cute-January 2012

I know the Duggar's way of life go hand-in-hand with their religion but outside of the religious aspect I really admire and look-up to how they raise their kids and the way they dress.  I thoroughly appreciate the modesty. 

I know our society is more then ever determined to express ourselves by how we dress, how we style our hair, the way we talk and who we associate ourselves with.  I know all about that first hand because that was me up until I had my babies.

Bug at the Zoo-January 2012

Now that I am a mom to two very precious little beings I want to protect them, shield them and lead then down the right path.  I want that path to be lined with high self esteem, high morals and respect.

For once they are sitting nicely together-February 2012

If I am going to be the one to lead them down that path don't I need to have that same high self esteem, high morals and respect?  I don't know if I ever could live a fully dedicated Quiverfull life.  It honestly scares me to admit to even just myself that I may be becoming religious.  I don't know if we would ever become dedicated church-goers but we can certainly hold the same high values for each one of us.

Squish February 2012

I am always struggling to either be myself which is a pant wearing, sneaker loving girl--or--a hippie hair, no make-up wearing me--or--a modest attire wearing me.  I have no idea how to really join all three. 

I really admire the modest attire as in below the knee skirt or dress wearing however I don't have the income to do a complete wardrobe transformation.

Bug-February 2012

I feel, as their mother and leader, I show respect for myself and for my husband by being modest.  By being put together.  I am not a walking billboard for other men to look at.  I am dedicated to my husband.  To my kids and to myself. 

I know everyone is scratching theirs heads wondering where the April is "they" know and I am still here--just better now.

I was talking with the hubby last night and I was telling him the story again of when I was getting my second tattoo at the age of 17 how I always told myself that I wanted to be a cool mom.  Now that I am a mom my definition of cool as changed.  I am cool not because of my tattoos and the clothes I could be wearing but because I cover myself up.  Showing any skin other then my arms is not okay. 

I kind of feel like a nut job trying to explain how I feel and why I feel this way but I look at my boys and I want nothing but the best for them and I believe that my part of the job is to be respectful of myself, of my husband and of them and I don' feel by wearing revealing or "sexy" clothes is the right thing to do.  

It's really crazy how having kids can really change people.  I never thought I was a bad person but I know now that I am even a better person because of them.  

There isn't anything I wouldn't do to give them the best shot at being the best people they can be.  I know the world could use better people. 

Perspective

Definition of PERSPECTIVE:

a : the interrelation in which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed <places the issues in proper perspective>; also : point of view

b : the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance <trying to maintain my perspective>

So I've been in this funk for the last few weeks.  In fact, I just typed out this big ol' long post about it and then gave up. 

Squish's teeth are having an all out war on his gums and my poor lil' guy can't handle it.  He threw in the towel on Tuesday and he's been planted firmly on my hip since then. 

Bug....we'll he is just more stubborn and determined then ever so those battles have been raging on.

Tonight I have finally secured an hour away.  An hour of me time and I am finally feeling some healthy, raw emotion and creativity flowing in me. 

I pulled up the on going letter I've been writting to the boys and I started writting. 
 I also managed to pull up the 2011 photo book to pour some more love and effort into it. 

I am feeling a bit alive so I've returned to this blog post again. 

Instead of carrying on about my funk I want to share with you happier moments in our lives...

Bug's first time in the snow.  He loved the sledding. 

  Our before Christmas trip to Mt. Lemmon

This little guy is starting to walk--unassisted! 

 Found and much needed love notes...

 Bug just adores his much older cousins.

I am back to more "me" time....

Enjoy!

This

THIS....

Using the word "this", to me, is open ended.  

Right now, "this" for me means...

Fulfilled wants

The future

The dreams

The plans being made

The memories

The conversations

The guests

Our current family

For the little one or ones that are not here yet

And the list can go on.

I presented an idea to Daddy.  Something new was needed to help define our homestead.  A visit to Ana White's website was called for. 

After much thought, planning, buying, building the dream and vision came alive.

The photo below shows our current dinning room.  I often feel that many spaces in our home are just rooms in houses and nothing that feels like home.  Our dining room was one of those places to me. 

 We needed a table that could fit a family.  Guests.  Our future.

That table was crafted. 

That table was built by hand.

That table was built, to house our dreams, by daddy.

I know all you see is a table but this is my "this."

::This table will be filled by our family

::This table will be the starting place for house plans

::This table will be the foundation for our future homestead

::This table will house many conversations about future off-spring

::This table will be enjoyed by our guests

::This will be the setting for many talks about life

::This table will be used for car races and lego building

::This table will house our current life and have plenty of room for our future life.

I hope to one day share a spot at this table with you. 

I married a man who is a crafter.

Who is a dreamer

Who is a can-do'er

Who is stubborn determined

I married a great man.

(I will rent him out to the highest bidder)



can I please have a moment of your time....

So here I am down with a cold.  Squish came down first, then Daddy and now finally the last two hold outs....Bug and I. 

I've been spending this down time along with lots of other time I really don't have searching the Internet high and low and then again through the various stores trying to find the "right" gift for Squish's first Christmas.   Let's face it----having a brother exactly 25 months older doesn't really make things easy in trying to buy something new and different for him that I don't already have saved from Bug.  Plus, I am super-duper conscious about what I buy for my kids.  We aren't the type to throw money or possessions at our kids for the sake of fulfilling some need within ourselves. 

Tonight, my plan was to sit here and complain up the wazoo about how our kids are being poisoned in the name of cheap plastic toys which really are not as cheap as they should be considering the mass amounts of lead, BPA, PVC, Phthalates, and Fire-retardants that are in them.  But as I sat down to log into Blogger tonight an image of a baby girl all snuggled up came into my mind.  It is an image that I think about often.  It is an image that I wanted to share with you tonight...

http://aniandmatttaylor.blogspot.com/2011/11/my-sunshine.html

After you read the above post I suggest you click on their family photo at the top---that will take you to the "home" page of this blog and then you can start reading all of the posts from most recent back to the beginning. 

It's humbling...very humbling! 

 I hope this post that I am writing will land on your computer desktop before the midnight rush of Black Friday starts. 

Yes, we all want the great deals. 

Yes, I really want to buy good healthy toys for my boys.

But do you know what? 

 I have two happy and healthy (and sometimes one is a little too rambunctious) boys here with me tonight.  After I "hit" the publish key I'm going to drink one more cup of hot tea and then I am going to crawl into bed where Squish will nuzzle right up against my body and Bug will only be a reach away.  

I don't want to call anyone out here tonight but I do have a few friends that are finding themselves in some tough situations and try as I might to convince them that the good will prevail they can't hear it and I am holding back in vain to not send them the above blog.  When I need to check things I think about Ruby.  I think about my own Squish who is slightly younger then Ruby. 

I hope you'll spend some time thinking about Ruby, too!

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. via soulemama

right now

 right now:: 

I am still enjoying the memories from Bug's first time trick or treating.  I can't believe my little guy is getting so big and a little old. 

Here is Squish as The Hulk

 right now:: 

We are enjoying the cool air from fall nights as we step outside after dinner and go on a walk.

 right now:: 

I am enjoying all the life, fantasies, music and mud pies that are being created in our back yard.

 right now:: 

I am eagerly awaiting for fresh juice, black eye peas, and butternut squash.

 right now:: 

I am trying to find the perfect recipe for pumpkin pie tarts.

 right now:: 

I am enjoying the sound of little raspberries and clapping hands on the tile.

  right now:: 

 I am enjoying watching Bug do something he is so proud of and loves very much!

 right now:: 

 I am very thankful that last weeks trip to the park didn't end in the E.R.

What are you doing right now?