counting

I have been in a mental funk on and off for the past few weeks.  From time to time I have even been feeling a little bit like crazy town USA all up in my head.  I recently started a journal and last night I started on a "woe is me" entry.  After a few moments of thought (and clarity) I changed direction and started to count my blessings.  Isn't, after all, the blessings that carry us through and not all of the other negative emotions, thoughts and feelings?  Today, I wanted to share my blessings. 

I know that, try as I might, my feelings of sadness are not going to go away overnight but I hope that if I keep seeing, counting and tallying my blessings eventually my vision will be so blurred by the good that the bad can no longer filter in. 

Here are some of the good:

The Daddy-O: 

(Yellowstone, September 2012)

 



Last night he was in the #3 spot but I realize that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have my #1 and #2-- Bug and Squish.  I really could (and should) go on and on about this guy.  I know he isn't perfect and I am not perfect and our marriage ain't perfect but he has PUT UP with me for 13+ years and I am very thankful for that.  He is an amazing provider and works endlessly to support us and to allow me to stay home full time with the boys.  He buys us toys and dreams big....our trip to Idaho, the RV, the soon-to-be boat and our 3rd child.  Shall I go on???

 

Buggy Boy Lewis

(Grangeville, Idaho, September 2012)

 

This is in birth order and not favorite order :-). 

My #1 boy.  I fought and prayed so hard to have him and here he is at four years old.  He is full of more fire than ice and more piss than vinegar but I am thankful that he is full of so much life.  He is a thinker, builder, crafter and master fort builder.  He is my lover and my mama's boy. 

 

Squishtopher Lee

(Shoshone Falls, Idaho, September 2012)

 

My #3 blessing. 

Squish is a carbon copy of his daddy.  My greatest joy is in watching this little guy ADORE his daddy.  His talks of deer hunting and his love of food and an appetite that matches his daddy kinda melts my heart a little. Okay, really it's a WHOLE BUNCH!!  He is still trying figure himself out so in the meantime he is happy to follow in Buggy's footsteps.  He is the master cuddle muffin and king of the spoon position.  I will miss the days of him lying in bed with me and when he rolls over, picks up his butt and firmly drops it into place up against my tummy. 

 

Our Peanut due to arrive October 2013.

 

My #4 joy.  We will soon know if this joy is a she or a he.  All of us in this house can't wait for that day to come.  I think we are all rooting for a she.  I was very excited for this pregnancy because I truly feel like this might be my last and I wanted to really savor every moment of this part of my life.  I think it's a great honor and miracle to grow life inside one's body.  

 

I know these four blessings of mine are the first basics for anyone.  However the last few weeks situations outside of my house, family and control have caused me to take my time and energy away from these things that I love and cherish so, so much.   It's not fair to my husband and kids that I have been, in some situations, forced to have some of these feelings.  I want to thank the Daddy-O for being a walking handkerchief when needed and ear to talk to.  I want to thank my kids for knowing I am absolutely wacky, sometimes more than others, but they walk on.  They offer a hug when needed or a good wrestling when I need to have the love beaten into me.

 

They all deserve more then what I have been lately and I hope to get past this soon so I can be that "more" for them.  My family is my everything and they deserve everthing for me!

familia

This is post is to give a big shout out to all my nieces and nephews.  You see my Buggy Boy is at the age where he is starting to yearn for a friendship.  I don't think he yet fully understands what "friendships" are but he sees the kids in the neighborhood playing and having fun and he has been graced from time to time with some playmates from our friends bringing their children over but he has never had a true and steady friend.  Cue my nieces and nephews.  They are the steady and true friendships....

 

There is an eleven year difference between Bug and my oldest niece and and just a five year difference between Bug and my youngest niece. 

 

I just assumed as my nieces and nephews grew older they would out grow the desire to play with and be interested in their younger cousins.  What I have come to witness and appreciate so much is that it appears the older my nieces and nephews get the more they enjoy my little guys.

 

I know every mom's desire to protect and shield their kids from some of the hurtful things in life can be pretty intense and sometimes life consuming so it has been very refreshing for me to not ever have to worry that my kiddos would be "some sort of baby" their older cousins wouldn't want to play with.

 

 

 

Bug and Squish love, adore, and very much cherish their "friendships" and visits with their older cousins and I very much appreciate all my nieces and nephews for taking the time to value and cherish their younger cousins.  My kids don't see age.  They see playmates and I thank the older cousins for playing along.

 



Birthday's

Alright, I know these pictures are a few months old but I figured I would share these anyways.

Bug turned four in February and just one month later Squish turned two.  I vowed back in mid 2010 when I found out that baby #2 was a boy and his due date was just a mere 19 days after Bug's birthday that I would never celebrate their birthdays together.  You see....way back then I was SO worried that Boy #2 would get his identity lost in Boy #1.  I just assumed that by having two boys, due at the same time, with the same man that these two boys would be twins just 25 months apart.  I can tell you now that isn't AT ALL TRUE.  My two are so different from each other.  Bug is clearly more like me and Squish more like his daddy. 

I decided this year when I knew it was safe that Bug would Bug and Squish would be himself that we should do a joint party for them.  Our biggest reason for doing so is because we both have families in the Phoenix region and we figured it would easiest on everyone if we did just one big birthday party.  We really enjoy the Daddy-O's extended family in Phx. so it's important to us that we try to get them to come to our gatherings.

The theme this year was vintage train.  Here is the edited version of the invitation we sent out.

 

The cakes...

 

The attire...

 

The decorations....

 

My mom was super nice and bought the kids a pinata this year.

 

I really enjoy birthday time in our house for the boys.  I really enjoy coming up with a theme, designing the invitations and planning the party.  Really though I think I need the enjoyment of party planning so I don't stop and think about what these days are really about.....my boys are getting older!

It is kind of unbelievable how fast time does fly by. 

 

Finally...an update.

This is the 3rd post I have started in recent days.  Perhaps this will be the one that gets posted.  Officially. 

All posts are a cleansing of sorts but the last two were a bit deeper and after re-reading them I thought perhaps they might be too much to post.  Sometimes I get a bit "Dear Diary-ish" on here and I realize that can get me in trouble.  I would like to be more real on here then what I can be however I know I can't.  I suppose that is what a good pen and pad of paper are for or even perhaps a husband is for.

Something I can share though is....M.O.P.S.!  I mentioned M.O.P.S. on here a few times now.  I know I have only been to two meetings but I have really enjoyed the context of the meetings and the fellowship with the other ladies.  Afterwards, I feel happy and refreshed.

There is a reason to why I was called to M.O.P.S. again.   At my first meeting the topic was about taming the monster mom within and this past meeting was with Pastor Robin talking about the Love and Logic course she teaches.  Both meetings were exactly what I needed.  With Baby #3 on the way we are going to need some guidance on how to handle the upcoming changes. 

A week from tomorrow will be the last M.O.P.S. meeting for this session.  I am super bummed.  To keep the good vibes and happy feelings rolling this way I am going to enroll Bug, Squish and myself into summer activities at the church where M.O.P.S is held at. 

I feel so good, so calmed, and so at peace when I am with this M.O.P.S. group that I hope by attending this church and getting involved in their family centered activities that I can keep the calm rolling in. 

A day of dress-up for Squish and Bug.



 A morning in the sun painting.

 

My salami loving boy.

-

 

growing

My little bird spread his wings and flew today.   This Momma was so nervous and scared but that baby bird of hers was confident and ready to fly on his own.  I am so proud of him.  He had the courage to do something that I almost never have the courage to do.  At 33 I am still a wall flower and today at 4 my Bug is the new bird in the flock. 

 

 

Bug had his first day of school.  Well, bible school.  Okay, it wasn't really that exactly either it was more like daycare.  And "yes" those are his first official "It's my first day of school pictures."  My son is a total goof ball.

 

I had my second meeting with MOPS today and Bug has really been after me about going to school.  With me being a stay-at-home-mom and with us homeschooling our kids will never know a daycare or classroom.  Bug has also been asking a lot about God and Heaven and I have a no upbringing with Religion so I thought the opportunity for him to go to MOPPETS while I was at MOPS (which is all Christian based) would be perfect for him.  He was thrilled when I presented him with the idea of going to "bible school."  I choose those words because he wants to know about God and school so hey I'll mix the two because daycare doesn't sound that exciting. 

 

I was scared to let him go.  He seems shy when he is with small crowds or big crowds or just one on one with someone he doesn't really know.  I prepped him for as much as I could by telling him I wouldn't be with him.  He would be by himself.  These are the things we do and don't do like peeing outside during recess.  I never wanted him to know I was scared or encourage him to think he should be scared so I was always careful with my wording.  This was a big deal for him and he was super excited and I didn't want anything to spoil that for him. 

 

During the two hour meeting I had one eye glued to my phone and the other glued to the door.  I was waiting for that call or for someone to come and retrieve me because he was scared.  Not once did that happen.  When I picked him up he was so happy to see me but he was even more thrilled to tell me how much he liked school and how he wanted to come back.  SUCCESS!

 

There you have it.  The story of my baby birdies' first flight in the flock.

 

 



keeping busy

We've been keeping busy around here.  A few weeks ago, not long after we spilled the pregnancy beans, I had some issues of concern.  Dr. Hutchison, our fertility Doctor with Bug, told us that healthy babies don't miscarry.  I have always believed in that but my faith was tested.  Once I got through the initial fear of the "what-if's" I started a little chant in my head to reassure and calm me.  I had a few ultrasounds which later confirmed that all would be alright. 

During the middle of that scare the Daddy-O and I were in the middle of securing financing for our newest family enjoyment...

 

You see...the thought of fitting three babies in the back of Daddy-O's extra cab truck while pulling our 5th wheel wasn't going to work (for me).  We looked long and hard at what would make the best financial sense....buying a four door truck that would probably only move six times a year, excluding camping trips, --OR-- buying this RV for the same price but fit us all comfortable plus provide the extra comforts to friends during extended lake trips.  Clearly, the RV won.  We picked up this baby in north Phoenix on a Thursday.  We put it in the shop Friday morning for tires and then went to my parents place down south for the Easter weekend.  Told you we've been busy.

 

Squish finally scored his first major head injury to compete with Bug. 

 

This picture makes it look mild.  The poor kid was nicknamed baby rhino for a few days because the lump was so far off his head.  This didn't happen on my watch but thankfully I was close by.  Because I wasn't the one on duty when this happened I was able to be more calm then what I am usually able to be.  Fortunately we had been through this with Bug when he was 1.5 years old.  We took him to the hospital when 12 hours later he started throwing up.  Turned out it was the flu.  I had two concussions when I was kid so I felt confident between Bug's experience and my own that Squish would be fine.

I recently decided to join a MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers) group over by my house.  I am feeling short on friends (excluding my Colorado BFF) and I feel more then ever I am yearning for the connection to like kind women in similar life experiences.  I had my first meeting last week and really enjoyed the energy. 

I think this is all I have for the moment.  I need to work on some home school material for Bug tonight.

Good night all

big news

To quote Kelle Hampton over at Enjoying the Small Things there will be a few more balls on our floor over the coming months and even more towards the end of this year.

You see, when you take one month to chart a course and set sail you'll get one of these....

Our family will go from four to five come October.

 

This sweet baby of mine sure has been giving me some grief or shall I say constant reminders that there is life in my tummy.  My body is screaming "hey, I am pregnant" but my mind was telling me it's a bit too good to be true.  Yesterday, when we were unable to hear the heartbeat with the midwife she fired up the ultrasound machine so we could see this little peanut of ours.  It was sweet, beautiful and oh-so reassuring to see this life, heartbeat and all, caring on in my safe little womb. 

 

We can't wait to meet you little one!